As one of several staff pastors at NorthStar Church, I find myself listening at times to people in their time of need. As they pour out their heart, they are looking for words of encouragement from me. And sometimes I feel at a loss as to what to say.
This is not just the dilemma of clergy, but everyone is in that situation at times where you wonder what you can say or do to encourage a friend.
In my study of courage in the Bible, I’m also looking at the idea of encouragement. The word encourage means, in part, to inspire courage.
As I looked at the episode in Matthew 1:18-25 (NIV) where an angel of the Lord appears to Joseph, it seemed to me to give a template for encouraging others in their time of need.
This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. 19 Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23 “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).
24 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25 But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.
It seems to me that the angel’s words to Joseph give us five important ways we can address someone’s fear and encourage them:
1. Acknowledge their fear.
“Joseph son of David, do not be afraid …”
The first thing the angel does is address Joseph’s fear. We need to acknowledge their fear is real, but help them to turn from it and take courage.
2. Help them think beyond their own thought processes.
“…do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife …”
The angel gives Joseph specific instructions that are contrary to what he was thinking. Remember, Joseph was thinking the best course of action would be to divorce her quietly (v. 19). (The other option was to have her stoned—unthinkable.) But the angel helps him see an option he had not considered viable: marry her. This flies in the face of societal norms for the time.
When someone is in a time of crisis and stress, it’s hard to think straight. Help them see that the path they might need to take could be contrary to what they are thinking now.
3. Open their eyes to the possibility of the miraculous.
“…because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.”
This bit of information was inconceivable (pardon the pun). It had never happened before—and hasn’t happened since. We need to encourage those in need to be open to the miraculous. Help them to pray and ask God to do what only He can do.
4. Give them some possible next steps.
“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus …”
The angel gives some practical direction: call Him Jesus. When someone is overwhelmed, it’s hard to see or even have the motivation to do what must be done. Help them by identifying one to three simple, practical next steps that will get them started.
5. Connect them to the eternal.
“…because he will save his people from their sins.”
Help them see how their life connects to God’s master plan. Help them see beyond themselves and how they impact others. Help them see beyond right now—this life that is but a breath—and into eternity.
One bonus point: This is not directly addressed in this passage, but make sure you listen before you encourage. Everyone wants to feel like they are truly being listened to. Look them in the eye and address them by name, just like the angel did to Joseph.
Of course the end result of the angel giving Joseph encouragement—or inspiring courage in Joseph—was that Joseph obeyed and displayed courage (vv. 24-25).
How can you use these ideas to inspire courage in someone this week?