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The Elephant in the Room on Sunday Mornings

I’ve always hated the following way some preachers (and other public speakers) begin a talk:

Preacher: Good morning!

Congregation (weakly): Morning.

Preacher: Oh, let’s try that again. You can do better than that! Good morning!

Congregation (stronger): Good morning!

After being thoroughly chastised for not being excited enough, the audience repeats the greeting a little louder.

I guess what bothers me is the implication that we all need to be cheery and excited and full of faith and ready to conquer the world.

Frankly, that’s just not the case for many of us in the room. In fact, it may be the opposite. It may be that being at the end of our rope is what brought us here to church in the first place.

I’ve always felt that our churches need to acknowledge the hurt in the room on a given Sunday morning. After experiencing three deaths of my loved ones in the past four years I believe it even more.

And as Mother’s Day approaches and I remember my mom’s 10-year descent into Alzheimer’s and all that entailed…as I recall her death and having to tell Dad…as I look at her photos and remember her as she was before that evil disease hijacked her brain and body…I feel this pain even more and feel strongly that churches should address the pain in their midst. Mother’s Day is not just about honoring the moms in the room but should also be about acknowledging the pain in the room from all the missing moms.

Almost half of the Psalms are songs of lament—expressing our pain and suffering back to the Lord without sugarcoating it. Henry David Thoreau said it well: “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Can we not acknowledge this better in our services?

Keith and Kristyn Getty explain their approach to leading worship with these thoughts in mind:

We sing, as the Psalms train us, to help us bring all of our lives, failures, successes, losses, gains, dreams, and ambitions into gospel perspective. Our singing can prepare us for every season of life, and sustain us through every season of life. We don’t need a musical escape from our lives; we need to gaze on the Savior of our lives—our refuge and help and comfort.

(From Sing!: How Worship Transforms Your Life, Family, and Church by Keith and Kristyn Getty, p. 47.)

What do you think? Should our churches do a better job of acknowledging the pain in the room? And if yes, how so?

Update: After I wrote this post, I came across this from Facts & Trends on how churches should handle Mother’s Day.

From my library: Wounded by God’s People

Card catalogue data
Wounded by God’s People: Discovering How God’s Love Heals Our Hearts by Anne Graham Lotz (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2013)
Category: Christian living
Format: Kindle
Pages: 240 (in the hardcover version)

This is the second book I’ve read in January and thus the second book of 2017.

First paragraph

As I look back on my life, it saddens me to acknowledge that some of my most painful wounds were inflicted by religious people—Gods people. Those who have been the most hurtful, those who have been the most unkind, those who have betrayed, slandered, and undermined me have been those who have also called themselves by God’s name. They have been considered Christians by themselves and by others. Yet they have been men and women whose words and behavior are inconsistent with what they say they believe and contradict what God says. Even now, I shake my head in near disbelief as I recall some of the painful experiences I will share with you in this book.

Why I read this book
Like the author, I have had my share of hurts and woundings, many of them from God’s people. This past year has been no exception. I picked up this kindle book a while back when it was on sale, but I read it last week and it was perfect timing. At the beginning of a new year, with fresh, new goals, it seemed the right time to unshackle from some of the hurts that were holding me back still. And while forgiveness is a continual effort, I felt like this gave me a good start.

The book in a paragraph
Anne Graham Lotz, daughter of Billy & Ruth Graham, has written about how we get hurt by others, especially by Christians, and how we deal with that hurt. She opens up the bandages to show us the wounds in all their gory detail and empathizes with us about the pain they inflict. But then she goes deeper and shows us how to recover and even forgive. She uses the story of Hagar in the Bible as a running theme throughout the book. (Hagar was the servant of Sarah, Abraham’s wife. You may remember that, when Sarah couldn’t seem to have a child, she told Abraham to be intimate with Hagar. This produces a son, Ishmael, the beginnings of the Arab and Islamic worlds.) Lotz pulls many lessons from the account of the hurt that Sarah inflicts on Hagar and applies it to our modern lives.

The bottom line
We must forgive those that wound us. Forgiveness is not a feeling or a one-time act, but a continual choice we make to love the other person (although love is different from trust). And we show that forgiveness through specific acts of love toward that person.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
You may be tempted to think this is a book for women, but I found it to be engaging and applicable to men and women. Even though Lotz gives examples of her own wounding, she keeps the book grounded in Scripture. She is both sympathetic to the wounded while gently prodding them to do what they already know they must do: forgive. And everyone has been wounded, so the book applies to everyone. I highly recommend this book.

From my library: Twilight at the World of Tomorrow

Card catalogue data
Twilight at the World of Tomorrow: Genius, Madness, Murder, and the 1939 World’s Fair on the Brink of War by James Mauro (New York: Ballantine Books, 2010)
Category: History
Format: Hard cover from a used bookstore
Pages: 350 (405 with end matter)

This is the first book I’ve read in January, and thus the first book of 2017. Although the case could be made for counting it as the 23rd book of 2016 since I only read the final few pages on January 1. No matter. Let’s count it for 2017 since I have a higher goal this year.

First paragraph

By all accounts, 1934 was a remarkable year: Flash Gordon made his first appearance in the comic strips, and Frank Capra’s It Happened One Night, starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert, would go on to win every major Academy Award. In May, one of the worst storms of the Dust Bowl swept away massive heaps of Great Plains topsoil; in August, Adolph Hitler became Germany’s new Führer. Pretty Boy Floyd, Baby Face Nelson, Bonnie and Clyde, and John Dillinger were all gunned down in spectacular, tabloid-titillating fashion. On Broadway, Ethel Merman opened in Cole Porter’s big new hit, Anything Goes; while farther uptown, in Harlem, seventeen-year-old Ella Fitzgerald made her singing debut at the recently christened Apollo Theater.

Why I read this book
I have a fascination with the great world’s fairs and expositions of a bygone era and I’ve read a couple of other histories of them, including The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair That Changed America by Erik Larson and Tomorrow-Land: The 1964-65 World’s Fair and the Transformation of America by Joseph Tirella.

The book in a paragraph
This look at the New York World’s Fair of 1939 and 1940—built on The Great Gatsby’s infamous ash heaps—follows the lives of several key figures, including Albert Einstein, the Fair’s president Grover Whalen, two NYC police detectives, President Franklin Roosevelt, Mayor La Guardia, and others. It shows the irony of an extravagant gathering of nations to promote peace while the storms of World War 2 gather. The “World of Tomorrow” introduced television, the fax machine, nylon, and fluorescent lights to the world, but its lofty dreams of the future would come crashing down two years later.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
This is a wonderfully written book that focuses on a forgotten event in our past. The idea of a World’s Fair seems like an anachronism today. But in this book the excitement and drama behind the scenes are brought to life. Highly recommended.

Lifelong learning tips

Ways to keep growing and learning

If you’re going to keep growing—as a leader, as an employee, as a human being—then you’ll need to keep learning. If you want to remain interested and stay interesting, keep learning. If you want to stay ahead of the competition, increase your value to your boss, or become a thought leader, you have to keep learning.

Curiosity keeps us feeling young and keeps our brains in tip top shape. And the way to do that is to develop ways to become a lifelong learner.

Paul Sohn has a great post HERE on 10 ways to become a lifelong learner. I encourage you to read it. I agree with all 10 on his list but my two favorites would have to be books (#4 on Sohn’s list) and listening & asking (#2). In fact, I just came from a great lunch meeting where I learned a whole boatload just by asking questions.

I would add a couple more to his list. One is podcasts. There are so many great podcasts out there now and many are high quality. You can load them up on your device (I use the Stitcher app) and then listen while commuting or mowing the grass or walking the treadmill. A couple that I have found especially meaningful are The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast (for church leaders), The EntreLeadership Podcast (for entrepreneurs and business leaders from a Christian perspective, from the Dave Ramsey team), and the TED Radio Hour (interviews and snippets from TED Talk speakers centered around a topic each month). But there are so many great ones.

Reading blogs is another method I would add. Use an app like feedly to feed the blogs you follow; then you can go to one page for all the blogs. Learn the art of skimming to get through all the posts, but slow down when you hit something especially intriguing or applicable. This is how you can sift through a lot of blog posts and info quickly.

In all your learning, whether books, podcasts, whatever, make sure you get a balanced diet. Yes, you want to learn things related to your career (or the career you wish to move into), but also include topics related to who you are as a person and what your interests are. And then go beyond that into wildcard topics. Maybe you enjoy history books, but read a science or art book occasionally, or something else you wouldn’t normally read. And occasionally read something a little bit beyond you to challenge yourself.

Finally, use a journal to make notes on what you’re learning and how you might apply your learnings. Don’t just drink in the info, but really think it through and determine how you can grow as a person.

What are your favorite ways to learn?

From my library: What Color Is Your Parachute?

Card catalogue data
What Color Is Your Parachute? 2015: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers by Richard N. Bolles (Berkley: Ten Speed Press, 1970, 2014)
Category: Vocational guidance
Format: Paperback from the library
Pages: 356

This is the second book I’ve read in August, and the 19th for 2016.

Bottom line
Richard Bolles originally wrote this book in 1970 and has been updated and rewriting it every year since. It’s the “world’s most popular job-hunting guide” with over 10 million copies sold. The bottom line to his method is that you cannot know what you want to do until you know who you are.

Nuts & bolts
The heart of the book is the “flower exercise” where you dig down deep into who you are and eventually what you want to do, so that your career and your job become your passion and not just a paycheck. I must admit that I did not fully follow this procedure; it would take several days of soul-searching. Other topics covered include resumes (and LinkedIn), interviewing, salary negotiation, and starting your own business.

Extras
Several appendices in the book are valuable—as much as the rest of the book. My favorite was “A Guide to Dealing with Your Feelings While Out of Work”; it had some great recommendations. There are also sections on finding a career coach and help for returning veterans. And throughout the book the author gives plenty of online resources and recommendations.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
This is the definitive book for job-hunters and possible career-changers.

From my library: Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?

Card catalogue data
Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? A Memoir by Roz Chast (New York: Bloomsbury, 2014)
Categories: Biography; humor; caring for aging parents; cartoon
Format: Hardback from library
Pages: 228

This is the first book I read in August, and the 18th for 2016.

Bottom line
With humor and pathos, New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast shares the ups and downs of caring for her aging parents in the best way she knows how—through the medium of cartoons.

About the author
Roz Chast grew up in Brooklyn and has illustrated many books, but she is probably most famous for being a New Yorker cartoonist since 1978.

Why I read this book
Gretchin Rubin recommended this quirky book and as I looked into it, it seemed just right for me at the time. Having cared for my parents into their eighties and nineties, and still caring for Dad at 93, it really hit home. The cartoon format helps a difficult subject go down more easily. I identified with so much in this book, it felt somewhat cathartic to read it.

Favorite quote

My father chain-worried the way others might chain-smoke.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
Most of us at some point will have to deal with the challenges of our aging parents. If you’ve been through this already or are going through it, you’ll want to read this book. It’s an easy read and will make you laugh, but it will also help you feel less alone.

First paragraph: 48 Days to the Work You Love

Very early in life we begin to determine what we want to be when we grow up. You may remember the childhood nursery rhyme: “Rich Man, Poor Man, Beggar Man, Thief, Doctor, Lawyer, Merchant, Chief.” We add other titles to that and begin to imagine the life as a Firefighter, Teacher, Entrepreneur, or Dentist. But as we begin school and start to grow up, there is a subtle yet significant transition from “Who do I want to be?” to “What am I going to do?” We are defined and valued in America by what we do. Unfortunately, the path to doing something often bypasses the basic questions about being something.

48 Days to the Work You Love: Preparing for the New Normal, 10th Anniversary Edition, Revised & Expanded by Dan Miller (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2015)

In case you missed it, I reviewed this book yesterday.

First paragraph is an occasional feature on the blog. The first paragraph of any book should ideally set the tone of the book and whet the reader’s appetite. Some first paragraphs are even works of art in and of themselves. Others are more perfunctory but get the job effectively done. The hope is that these posts will inspire you to read more.

From my library: 48 Days to the Work You Love

Card catalogue data
48 Days to the Work You Love: Preparing for the New Normal, 10th Anniversary Edition, Revised & Expanded by Dan Miller (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2015)
Category: Vocational guidance
Format: Hardback from the library
Pages: 227

This is the second book I read in July, and the 17th book for 2016.

Bottom line
In this book for both job-hunters and folks contemplating a career change, Dan Miller gives you the motivation and the know-how to take the plunge into seeking the job that actually fulfills you.

About the author
Dan Miller is a psychologist and consultant who has built a career around helping people find their ideal career.

Why read this book
The heart of the book is the method Miller strongly suggests the reader uses to get a job, claiming it works for 86% of job seekers. Boiled down, the method is thus: Know your skills; research the potential companies that use those skills; arrange to see the person who has the power to hire; and request the interview. Of course there is much more detail in the book. It also involves following up with each company, an important part of the process. Alternatively, the process of sending thousands of resumes out online rarely results in a job offer.

Favorite quote

You don’t have to know the right people—you just have to get yourself in front of the right people.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Great content and follow up questions to make you think.

Additional resources
The author has collected many additional resources, including sample resumes, at 48days.com.

First paragraph: Warren G. Harding

Warren Harding’s life began as the Civil War was ending. In the winter of 1864, George Tyron Harding, a Union soldier—a fifer who had once shaken President Lincoln’s hand at the White House—was sent home to the Harding family farm near Blooming Grove, Ohio, and his new wife, Phoebe Elizabeth Dickerson, to recover from jaundice. The war was over before Tyron could return to his troops, and much to Phoebe’s relief, for she was carrying their first son, who arrived on November 2, 1865. Phoebe wanted to name him Winfield but her husband preferred a family name: Warren Gamaliel. Warren was Tyron’s grandmother’s maiden name, and Gamaliel an uncle’s name that would prove to be prophetic. In the Bible, Gamaliel was noted for counseling moderation and calmness.

Warren G. Harding (The American Presidents Series, Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr., general editor) by John W. Dean (New York: Times Books, 2004)

In case you missed it, I reviewed this book yesterday.

From my library: Warren G. Harding

Card catalogue data
Warren G. Harding (The American Presidents Series, Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr., general editor) by John W. Dean (New York: Times Books, 2004)
Categories: U.S. history, presidential biography
Format: Hardback from the library
Pages: 170 (203 with end matter)

This is the first book I read in July, and the 16th for 2016.

Bottom line
Warren G. Harding, our 29th president, has been consistently ranked near the bottom of a list of best to worst U.S. chiefs. His legacy has been plagued with false accusations and distortions. This bio seeks to right that wrong and show Harding in the light of newly discovered papers that were long believed destroyed.

About the author
Yes, this is the John Dean who served as Richard Nixon’s White House counsel and was deeply involved in the Watergate scandal cover-up.

Why I read this book
I am pursuing a long-term goal of reading a biography of each U.S. president in order. Not surprisingly, there are not a lot of choices when looking for a biography on Harding. This one, from the Schlesinger’s American Presidents series, was unexpectedly quite good.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Sources
The author uses presidential papers which had once been thought destroyed by Mrs. Harding.