personal growth Archives - RandyElster.com

Does discipline have a place in the Spirit-led life?

As Cheryl and I have been on this multi-month adventure of looking for work and income, one of the dilemmas we keep coming back to is this: At what point do we trust God and wait for His answers, and at what point do we work it out ourselves? And at what point in working it out ourselves does it become a lack of faith and an act of disobedience?

Neither one of us is afraid of work. We work hard and enjoy work.

On the one hand, the Bible seems to say, “Wait for the Lord” (Psalm 5:3; 27:14; 33:20; Isaiah 8:17, for example).

On the other hand, Paul says that he who will not work will not eat (2 Thessalonians 3:10).

Yesterday we attended service at Sanctuary Church where pastor Craig Bowler brought a wonderful message. You can watch that message here.

By the way, I have great respect for men like Craig who spend much time in research and preparation to bring a word from God to their people. Yes, it was the Holy Spirit speaking through Craig. But also let’s not discount the work he put into it. That’s kind of the point of this post.

Craig’s sermon was part of a series on the seven last words of Christ and this week was on the phrase, “I am thirsty” (John 19:28 NIV).

He brought up a point that Max Lucado makes that the six other last words all seem very God-like, but this one just seems so, well, human.

And that is the point, isn’t it? To never forget that when Jesus was on the earth, He was fully God, yet fully human. He had human needs, human desire, human pain, human despair.

He didn’t just float along the earth like an angel. He walked it. His feet had callouses. He had BO. He got tired. He had to rest. He experienced grief. He experienced betrayal. He was human.

And for me, that represents the dichotomy. We are human with physical bodies and a physical home here on this earth. But we (if we belong to Christ) are also spiritual beings with a spiritual home to go to when our physical bodies give out.

We are saved by grace, through faith—not by anything we can do (Ephesians 2:8). But we are also to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). Our faith without works is dead (James 2:26).

At the same time we wait on the Lord to see what He will do, we do all we can do in the physical world. We need to do all that we know to do. And we need to make sure we aren’t disobeying Him in anything we do.

I think that’s what God blesses. And that’s where discipline comes in for the Spirit-led life.

I’ve decided to have a “power verse” and a “power word” this week. I’m calling it a power verse just because it sounds cooler than “key verse” or “verse of the week.”

My power word this week is SELF-DISCIPLINE and my power verse is 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT:

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

During this time of our lives when so much is in the air, when finances are a mess, when emotions are high, when the temptation to worry is rampant, when schedules are all over the place, when we have so many ideas and thoughts and projects and to-do items that we almost feel paralyzed to start . . . we need to have some discipline and order in our lives where we can make it.

We’re working on making some order and structure and discipline, starting in the areas of spiritual growth and physical training. We’re focusing on training ourselves spiritually by making a quiet time a daily priority and training ourselves physically by making exercise a daily priority. We need to feel that there is some element of structure in a life that seems totally out of control.

Maybe you need that too right now. Commit with us to not give in to fear, but to live in the power that lives within us (the same power that rose Jesus from the dead [Romans 8:11]), to live a life of love in a world of short tempers, and to live a life of self-discipline amidst the chaos and everything-goes philosophy of this world.

How will you live out this verse this week?

Photo credit: NA.dir via VisualHunt / CC BY-NC-ND

Deliverance in 2017

I love the beginning of a new year. The post-Christmas calmness and stillness leads into a joyful celebration of a new year and new ideas and, yes, new resolutions.

While we feel calm and rested we make new year’s resolutions which we cannot possibly keep once the hubbub of life resumes in just a few days.

But hope springs eternal, as the saying goes.

For myself, 2016 was such a bust (and really the past three years were cruddy) that I look quite forward to 2017. Let’s leave the old year in the dust!

As you and I begin 2017 full of hope and promise, I want to encourage you—and encourage myself—to commit—or recommit—to a daily quiet time with our God.

As I was reading Psalm 32 yesterday in my first quiet time of the year, I was struck by how important daily connection with my Father is and will be for the coming year.

If you would, humor me and read this psalm of David below (NIV):

1 Blessed is the one
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the one
whose sin the Lord does not count against them
and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin.
6 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
while you may be found;
surely the rising of the mighty waters
will not reach them.
7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
9 Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.
10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the Lord’s unfailing love
surrounds the one who trusts in him.
11 Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

As I read through these verses and meditated on them, I felt the Lord giving me six diagnostic questions to meditate on as I begin the new year.

ONE Am I seeking God’s forgiveness DAILY? (vv. 1-5)

David spends so much time at the beginning of this psalm singing of God’s forgiveness, and I think we should give the topic some important consideration too. Yes, if you are a Christian, Christ’s death and resurrection paid the price for your sin and you are forgiven. In that sense, salvation is a one-time event. But we do still sin and daily need to ask for God’s forgiveness.

It’s what Jesus talked about when Peter argued with Jesus about washing Peter’s feet in John 13:6-10. Jesus was saying that walking as a Christian in this fallen world will mean that our feet will get dirty and will need to be cleaned. That’s what daily forgiveness is about.

TWO Am I praying DAILY? (v. 6)

David says “let all the faithful pray to you while you may be found.” We have a supreme privilege as Christians to enter into a friendship with a holy God! In Hebrews 4:16 we read that we can “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Why would we not take advantage of this open dialog that we now have?! We need to commune with Him daily.

THREE Am I seeking God for my deliverance DAILY? (v. 7)

David sings here that our Father is our hiding place, our protection, and our deliverance. Whatever we’re facing in 2017, we can face it with God, knowing that He will protect us and deliver us. Am I daily acknowledging that truth and asking God to deliver me and protect me?

FOUR Am I listening for God’s instruction and counsel DAILY? (vv. 8-9)

According to verse 8, our God wants to instruct us and teach us and show us the way to go and counsel us. Why? Because He loves us! But the only way He can do those things is if we take some quiet moments daily to listen to Him through His Word and through prayer. This is, partly, how God will deliver me, but I must do my part and listen.

The alternative is to be like a stubborn mule that can only be led by bits and bridles and discipline and punishment. My study Bible puts it well: “God longs to guide us with love and wisdom rather than punishment. He offers to teach us the best way to go. Accept the advice written in God’s Word and don’t let your stubbornness keep you from obeying God.”

FIVE Am I trusting in God’s unfailing love DAILY? (v. 10)

When I trust in God—in His will for me, in His timing, in His ways, in His purposes, in His omniscience, in His sovereignty—it’s as if I can feel God’s unfailing love surrounding me. Even though circumstances may look grim, I trust in Him. Father really does know best. But at times this is a daily struggle to get to this reality by faith.

SIX Am I rejoicing in God and His provision DAILY? (v. 11)

This last question is the summing up of all the other questions. Rejoice, be glad, sing. Be thankful and praise God for even minor steps of deliverance and provision. And when you can’t rejoice in anything else, rejoice in God, by faith. Find your joy in Him and in Him alone. Sing and lift up your voice to Him in praise. The Bible is such a help here when we don’t know what else to say.

These six questions all lead to a daily quiet time with the Lord. Make it a goal to daily get in touch with your Father God, with your Creator, with your Lord and Savior. And discover that He is your hiding place, your protection, your deliverance, your forgiveness, your teacher, your counselor. Discover that He is your deliverer and your source of joy and love.

Lifelong learning tips

Ways to keep growing and learning

If you’re going to keep growing—as a leader, as an employee, as a human being—then you’ll need to keep learning. If you want to remain interested and stay interesting, keep learning. If you want to stay ahead of the competition, increase your value to your boss, or become a thought leader, you have to keep learning.

Curiosity keeps us feeling young and keeps our brains in tip top shape. And the way to do that is to develop ways to become a lifelong learner.

Paul Sohn has a great post HERE on 10 ways to become a lifelong learner. I encourage you to read it. I agree with all 10 on his list but my two favorites would have to be books (#4 on Sohn’s list) and listening & asking (#2). In fact, I just came from a great lunch meeting where I learned a whole boatload just by asking questions.

I would add a couple more to his list. One is podcasts. There are so many great podcasts out there now and many are high quality. You can load them up on your device (I use the Stitcher app) and then listen while commuting or mowing the grass or walking the treadmill. A couple that I have found especially meaningful are The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast (for church leaders), The EntreLeadership Podcast (for entrepreneurs and business leaders from a Christian perspective, from the Dave Ramsey team), and the TED Radio Hour (interviews and snippets from TED Talk speakers centered around a topic each month). But there are so many great ones.

Reading blogs is another method I would add. Use an app like feedly to feed the blogs you follow; then you can go to one page for all the blogs. Learn the art of skimming to get through all the posts, but slow down when you hit something especially intriguing or applicable. This is how you can sift through a lot of blog posts and info quickly.

In all your learning, whether books, podcasts, whatever, make sure you get a balanced diet. Yes, you want to learn things related to your career (or the career you wish to move into), but also include topics related to who you are as a person and what your interests are. And then go beyond that into wildcard topics. Maybe you enjoy history books, but read a science or art book occasionally, or something else you wouldn’t normally read. And occasionally read something a little bit beyond you to challenge yourself.

Finally, use a journal to make notes on what you’re learning and how you might apply your learnings. Don’t just drink in the info, but really think it through and determine how you can grow as a person.

What are your favorite ways to learn?

What to do when you feel weak and inadequate

I love the story of the feeding of the thousands with just a few loaves and fishes in Matthew 14:13-21. It’s one of those great Bible stories that I remember being told to me via flannel graph in Sunday School. In this story we see Jesus being concerned for His own rest as well as for the crowd’s hunger. And it’s a huge reminder of God’s strength when I am weak.

In this Scripture I see six things we need to do when we feel weak and inadequate. And, by the way, every Christian should feel somewhat weak and inadequate.

ONE Withdraw.

Feeling feeble is a reminder that you need God’s strength. Like Jesus, you need to recognize your need to get alone with God. Matthew says “he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place” (verse 13). Each of us needs communion with our Creator. We need regular time alone with our Savior. We sometimes call this quiet time—time spent with God in His Word and in prayer. But there are other forms as well—praying aloud in the car, listening to the Bible read to us, walking in nature by ourselves. Even the most outgoing, extroverted of us needs this quiet time alone. And especially when we’re feeling less than.

(I’d like to add to this, that we also need proper rest, exercise, and nutrition. But that’s for another post.)

TWO Focus on others’ needs.

“When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick” (verse 14). We can’t stay withdrawn forever. God still calls us to have compassion and meet the needs of others. This is especially important when we’re feeling needy ourselves because it takes the focus off of us and onto others. It changes our perspective.

THREE Find strength in numbers.

We see that the disciples join Jesus in verse 15. We need our family and our brothers and sisters in Christ. For those of us more introverted and less outgoing, the temptation will be to stay in the withdrawn stage above. But you can’t stay there. We need others so desperately. Your spouse can give you insight that you lack. Your small group can come around and support you. Your friends can keep you sane in times like this. But you have to let them in.

FOUR Give thanks for what you do have.

“Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves” (verse 19). I believe there’s more here than just asking a blessing over the food. Giving thanks for what we have, even if what we have seems paltry, is a discipline that becomes especially important when we feel needy. In fact, it may need to become just that: a discipline that we stick too. Maybe it involves writing down three things we’re grateful for during our quiet time. Or asking everyone at the dinner table each night what they are grateful to God for about the day. Or making it a habit to write in a gratitude journal before heading to bed. There are many ways to do it, but we need to make sure we change our perspective by focusing on what we’re thankful for rather than being unhealthily fixated on what we don’t have.

FIVE Use what you have to bless others.

Another way to change our outlook is to use what we have, no matter how small, to bless others. Just as Jesus and the disciples gave away the small amount of loaves and fish (verse 19), we need to give. Sometimes this may involve money, sometimes giving away possessions. It may involve a gift of our time or our expertise. However we give, it will bless us as much or more than it blesses the recipient.

SIX Expect God to be strong where you are weak.

Just as the loaves and fishes mysteriously multiplied to feed thousands of people (verses 20-21), God multiplies our efforts when we give—even when we feel weak and inadequate. Many times we may never know how far our efforts go. Our contribution may seem small and weak, but Jesus can multiply it to make it more than sufficient. As Paul says, Christ’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

BONUS POINT Get special help if you need it.

This may take the form of a minister, a counselor, a doctor, whatever. There are times when we need the specialized care of a professional. Please get help if you need it.

From my library: What Color Is Your Parachute?

Card catalogue data
What Color Is Your Parachute? 2015: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers by Richard N. Bolles (Berkley: Ten Speed Press, 1970, 2014)
Category: Vocational guidance
Format: Paperback from the library
Pages: 356

This is the second book I’ve read in August, and the 19th for 2016.

Bottom line
Richard Bolles originally wrote this book in 1970 and has been updated and rewriting it every year since. It’s the “world’s most popular job-hunting guide” with over 10 million copies sold. The bottom line to his method is that you cannot know what you want to do until you know who you are.

Nuts & bolts
The heart of the book is the “flower exercise” where you dig down deep into who you are and eventually what you want to do, so that your career and your job become your passion and not just a paycheck. I must admit that I did not fully follow this procedure; it would take several days of soul-searching. Other topics covered include resumes (and LinkedIn), interviewing, salary negotiation, and starting your own business.

Extras
Several appendices in the book are valuable—as much as the rest of the book. My favorite was “A Guide to Dealing with Your Feelings While Out of Work”; it had some great recommendations. There are also sections on finding a career coach and help for returning veterans. And throughout the book the author gives plenty of online resources and recommendations.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
This is the definitive book for job-hunters and possible career-changers.

From my library: Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?

Card catalogue data
Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? A Memoir by Roz Chast (New York: Bloomsbury, 2014)
Categories: Biography; humor; caring for aging parents; cartoon
Format: Hardback from library
Pages: 228

This is the first book I read in August, and the 18th for 2016.

Bottom line
With humor and pathos, New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast shares the ups and downs of caring for her aging parents in the best way she knows how—through the medium of cartoons.

About the author
Roz Chast grew up in Brooklyn and has illustrated many books, but she is probably most famous for being a New Yorker cartoonist since 1978.

Why I read this book
Gretchin Rubin recommended this quirky book and as I looked into it, it seemed just right for me at the time. Having cared for my parents into their eighties and nineties, and still caring for Dad at 93, it really hit home. The cartoon format helps a difficult subject go down more easily. I identified with so much in this book, it felt somewhat cathartic to read it.

Favorite quote

My father chain-worried the way others might chain-smoke.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
Most of us at some point will have to deal with the challenges of our aging parents. If you’ve been through this already or are going through it, you’ll want to read this book. It’s an easy read and will make you laugh, but it will also help you feel less alone.

First paragraph: 48 Days to the Work You Love

Very early in life we begin to determine what we want to be when we grow up. You may remember the childhood nursery rhyme: “Rich Man, Poor Man, Beggar Man, Thief, Doctor, Lawyer, Merchant, Chief.” We add other titles to that and begin to imagine the life as a Firefighter, Teacher, Entrepreneur, or Dentist. But as we begin school and start to grow up, there is a subtle yet significant transition from “Who do I want to be?” to “What am I going to do?” We are defined and valued in America by what we do. Unfortunately, the path to doing something often bypasses the basic questions about being something.

48 Days to the Work You Love: Preparing for the New Normal, 10th Anniversary Edition, Revised & Expanded by Dan Miller (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2015)

In case you missed it, I reviewed this book yesterday.

First paragraph is an occasional feature on the blog. The first paragraph of any book should ideally set the tone of the book and whet the reader’s appetite. Some first paragraphs are even works of art in and of themselves. Others are more perfunctory but get the job effectively done. The hope is that these posts will inspire you to read more.

From my library: 48 Days to the Work You Love

Card catalogue data
48 Days to the Work You Love: Preparing for the New Normal, 10th Anniversary Edition, Revised & Expanded by Dan Miller (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2015)
Category: Vocational guidance
Format: Hardback from the library
Pages: 227

This is the second book I read in July, and the 17th book for 2016.

Bottom line
In this book for both job-hunters and folks contemplating a career change, Dan Miller gives you the motivation and the know-how to take the plunge into seeking the job that actually fulfills you.

About the author
Dan Miller is a psychologist and consultant who has built a career around helping people find their ideal career.

Why read this book
The heart of the book is the method Miller strongly suggests the reader uses to get a job, claiming it works for 86% of job seekers. Boiled down, the method is thus: Know your skills; research the potential companies that use those skills; arrange to see the person who has the power to hire; and request the interview. Of course there is much more detail in the book. It also involves following up with each company, an important part of the process. Alternatively, the process of sending thousands of resumes out online rarely results in a job offer.

Favorite quote

You don’t have to know the right people—you just have to get yourself in front of the right people.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Great content and follow up questions to make you think.

Additional resources
The author has collected many additional resources, including sample resumes, at 48days.com.

Seven promises to help you persevere

per·se·ver·ance /pərsəˈvirəns/ noun steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

The last couple of years have seen some difficulties for me and my family, and the word perseverance has come to mind many times. It takes absolute perseverance at times just to get through life, to get through another day.

I’ve been reading Jackie Bledsoe‘s excellent book The 7 Rings of Marriage: Your Model for a Lasting and Fulfilling Marriage. In one chapter he mentions seven promises from God’s Word that help us to persevere. These promises can apply to persevering in your marriage, in your job or special project, or in any area.

ONE You are unbeatable because God is always with you.

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

—Joshua 1:5 NIV

TWO Things are working together, and good results will come from them.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

—Romans 8:28 NIV

THREE Despite the way life may look, you are a winner.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

—Romans 8:37 NIV

FOUR God wants to help you, and He will if you ask Him.

Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.

—Psalm 55:22 NIV

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

—1 Peter 5:7 NIV

FIVE Even in tough times, good things are happening.

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.

—Psalm 112:4 NIV

SIX God’s grace is enough, and His power is strongest when we are weakest.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

—2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

SEVEN The challenges you face now pale in comparison to the blessings you’ll receive.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

—Romans 8:18 NIV

I hope these promises from God’s Word encourage you to persevere as they do me.

By the way, I highly recommend Jackie Bledsoe’s book and his blog as well.

Epic fail: Lessons on failure

I’ve been thinking a lot about failure recently. A few months back I read John Maxwell’s book Failing Forward: How to Make the Most of Your Mistakes, and I’ve been posting some of those thoughts on facebook as my “thought for today” ever since.

About a week ago we had an event at our church that I was in charge of. It was a “Couples Night Out” event where we partnered with Family Christian Stores to show the movie War Room. You can read more about that here.

In some ways, you could say the event was a success, but mostly I came away from it feeling like a failure. Only around 50 people showed up for it, out of a church of about 1800 on a Sunday morning and around 1,000 in small groups.

I had to really spend some time processing this and thankfully my wife is great at helping me do that. And I didn’t have to pay a therapist!

I came away from it with a few lessons learned about failure, reinforced by what I’ve been reading.

ONE Events can be failures; people are not.

This is such an important distinction to make. I think it’s probably human nature to come away from an event we feel we’ve failed at and to feel ourselves like a failure. It seems like just semantics but this is so important: I am not a failure. I may have failed at something. But I am not a failure.

When we assign failure to ourselves, to the person, there’s not much hope of recovering from that or improving. If I am a failure, I have no choice but to fail.

But if instead I assign failure to an event or an action, I can learn from it and go on.

TWO Rarely can an entire event be called a failure. Look for the positive.

Many times we can see where our failure has compounded: we see that we did this wrong, and that, and the other. And this drowns us in a vortex of failure.

But if we step back and look objectively—and this is where another viewpoint is so helpful—we’ll see that not everything about the event or project was a failure. We need to recognize the silver lining in the dark cloud.

When we impartially look back, with the help of a spouse or coworker or friend or counselor, we can see these bright spots. But it takes effort to look for them. For me and my event, yes, only 50 people came. But those were 50 people who needed to come and were inspired. Some of those 50 people I did not know, so that was a good thing.

There were other positives, and many lessons learned as well, which I might get to in another post.

It takes some work of reflection, and it’s harder for some personalities than others, but you have to take off those pessimistic glasses and put on the rose-colored ones, and hopefully get a more realistic picture of the event. Then you can more objectively see the failures and successes together.

THREE It’s only a failure if you don’t truly try.

For me, inaction—in the form of perfectionism and procrastination, and probably some other ways I’m not quite aware of yet—keeps me from trying. The faulty reasoning goes like this: If I don’t try, I can’t fail.

But the reality is that not trying really is failing. And the inverse is trying = success. As long as you are out there trying and learning from your efforts and applying those learnings to greater efforts and more trying, you are winning.

FOUR It’s not a failure; it’s just an experiment.

Remember Thomas Edison’s quote when he had gone through thousands of failed experiments in trying to come up with a commercially viable light bulb:

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

Ultimately, if we can keep from looking at ourselves as failures and also not look at the events themselves as failures, but rather as experiments and experiences, we can learn and grow from them.

But we need to spend some time in reflection as well as discussion with others to learn. John Maxwell says:

Experience is not the best teacher; evaluated experience is.

So next time you feel like a failure, reframe yourself and the experience. You are not a failure. Look for the positive in what has happened. You are a success just because you tried and put yourself out there. And this experiment will help you learn and grow and make you better.

How do you positively approach failure so you can learn from it?